Thrift Shop Bullies

Dear Overly-Aggressive, Hyper-Competitive, Greedy Goodwill Lady,

I’m just gonna be frank here: I did not appreciate you haphazardly shoving past me this morning, just after the store opened. You took advantage of me wiping a shopping cart down with a baby wipe and hand-sanitizer, lest my son contract some nefarious communicable disease, zipping past me in selfish haste.

But… whatever, I let that slide. Excited to get my Mackelmore on, I pushed aforementioned cart down the main aisle without suffering any hitch in my giddyup.

But then, when you made a hurried beeline to the furniture department (also my destination), glancing culpably over your shoulders as you descended upon your inanimate prey, and LITERALLY started popping tags –popping them off of EVERY DRESSER IN THE STORE, to be exact– THAT, Goodwill Lady, was the last straw on this sleep-deprived camel’s back.

I hope you felt the burn when I laughed at you, it was the snarkiest reaction I could muster on the spot.

Listen, I realize you’re surely just going to refinish and resell them. I’m not your competition! I just want ONE dresser to lacquer in a cheerful hue for my children. hashtag, firstworldproblems

Seriously, though– don’t be a turd, it’s unbecoming.

Your Friend Regards,


PS- I’ll be back again tomorrow, fully caffeinated, and will use my shopping cart to bust the heels of anyone who gets in my way. Oh, and Jesus loves you.

PPS- While you were still busy menacing the furniture department, I scored these rockin’ overalls for Little Man. Because what he needs is more overalls. Be jealous.


oh yeah, and also this groovy hat. yes, of course i washed it.
Being A Wordsmith


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